We had a good Christmas Day. Robbie woke up at 5, opened one of his stocking fillers and went back to sleep until 9 am. His godparents were staying with us and we spent the day together, opening presents in stages as we went through breakfast, bath, etc. Robbie loved his presents and we played with some of them throughout the day. He had a couple of sad moments when his godparents weren’t in the room, saying he was missing his mummy. But even as the evening went on and he got tired he managed to stay calm. When we put him to bed he told us it had been a horrible day, though. He’d probably felt quite sad at times and managed to keep it together for the sake of his godparents, but it was quite sad to hear him say it.

Things changed on Boxing Day. Robbie couldn’t hold it for the whole day and became very defiant as the day wore on. I left the house to drop a present off at a friends’s and when I got back I found Glen and Robbie looking at Robbie’s life story book, which Robbie had brought out. He was telling Glen that he’s very confused about the way he feels about his birth mother: he hates her for what she did, but also loves her and misses her. He also said something that he’d never mentioned before. His birth mother had told him not to talk about what had been going on in their household or he’d be taken away. I’m sure she said that at the time when the police and social services were looking into the case that eventually led to his removal from his birth parents, but Robbie thought that it was still the case, and if he talked about the things that went on he’d be taken away from us. It also made him feel guilty, because he was indeed taken away, so he assumed it was his fault. Who knows? Maybe now that we’ve cleared that one up, he may be more open to talking about his past with the therapists. Maybe not.