We are going to be daddies!

Yesterday was panel date. We surprised ourselves by sleeping through the night even though we were expecting to be up half the night unable to sleep with nerves! We got ready and set off for the town hall offices of the placing authority. We’d estimated it would take us about an hour and 45 minutes to get there, but traffic was quite heavy and it took us an extra half an hour to arrive so we made it literally just in time. Miranda was waiting for us with Boy H’s social worker and family finder, as well as a trainee social worker whom we’d agreed could be present. Panel was running a few minutes late, so we had an opportunity to get ourselves together, as we’d got a bit stressed thinking we might be late and trying to find a parking space.

While we waited for the social workers to be called in, we had an update from the birth family situation: they have written to the local authority to say that they think it’s “not natural” for a boy to be brought up by two men and that this is in breach of the boy’s human rights. This is coming from the people whose behaviour towards the child led to him being removed from their care. We’re guessing his human rights weren’t their priority at the time. The local authority didn’t seem too concerned about this. They will write to them to explain what the situation is and what their options are: they can either go to court to challenge the placing order or accept the fact. We will see.

The social workers were called into the panel meeting and five minutes later a panel adviser came to talk to us to make sure that we understood the process. She said that the social workers should be in for somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes and that afterwards the panel chair would come out, let us know what questions they want to ask us, and then we would meet the panel. Then she re-joined the panel and we were left on our own. We went through the notes we had taken to prepare for any possible questions about Glen’s family, gay adoption, attachment, bullying and just waited. 40 minutes after the social workers went in, the advisor came out again to let us know that panel was being very thorough and it was taking a bit longer than expected, but they hoped to call us in soon. We didn’t really know how to take the fact that it was taking longer than planned, so we tried to stay calm. Ten minutes later the panel chair and the advisor came into the waiting room. They were very smiley, which was reassuring. They told us that everything was really positive and that for the first time ever in that panel they had no questions to ask other than for us to comment on why we thought this was a good match. They said that any other questions they may have had had been addressed by our very thorough “adopters’ views” report that we’d been asked to send in advance.

We went into the panel room and were introduced to every member. There were 12 people around the table (we think – we didn’t count at the time!) including Miranda, Boy H’s social worker and family finder, the trainee social worker, independent panel members, the medical adviser, an adopter and foster carer (but not Boy H’s foster carer), the legal adviser, a councillor, the note-taker and the chair! Like we’d been told, they asked us to comment on why we thought this was a good match and we told them what attracted us to Boy H when we saw his profile online, how every piece of information we’d had since had only made us more certain that this was a good match, and listed what we thought we can offer him, including a stable relationship, one to one attention, a good support network, good training on attachment, and experience of children of a similar age though our volunteer work. Everyone nodded along and smiled (well, one of the members didn’t smile at all but we tried to ignore her) as we spoke and then we were given the opportunity to say anything we thought we should say in support of the match. I started to say how much we wanted to offer Boy H a good home but I got a bit emotional and couldn’t finish, so Glen finished for me. After that we were asked to leave while they made a decision.

We waited in the waiting room again and I felt so stupid for getting choked up! At this point Glen got a bit emotional too, but of course he managed to do it when not in front of the panel! A couple of minutes later the chair, the advisor, and the social workers came to the room and told us that they were very happy to let us know that the panel was unanimously recommending our approval. We were so relieved and happy! I sort of went a bit numb after that. It was quite surreal to hear that something you’ve wanted so much is going to finally happen. Anyway, we were reminded that the panel’s decision is only a recommendation and told the decision maker would make the final decision within seven working days. They hastened to point out it’s highly unlikely that this will be any different from the panel decision unless any new and relevant information came to light about Boy H or us.

We thanked everyone and agreed to deliver the introductions book and DVD to H’s social worker by Monday. We’re also having a puzzle made with our picture as he really likes puzzles and it’s a good way for him to familiarise himself with us. After everyone left, we grabbed a hot drink in the cafeteria with Miranda, who told us how panel had taken longer than planned as H’s permanence report was a bit out of date and panel asked lots of questions about what had changed since it was written. Other than that there had been no major obstacles, just clarifications about Glen’s family, and the female role models in our network. We thanked her again for all her work and dedication and said goodbye.

We got in the car and I texted all our family members and friends while Glen drove. I then spent the whole journey back replying to texts and taking phonecalls to both our mobiles. We had really moving responses and support from everyone and we were quite overwhelmed. When we got home we rang our families and then went for a meal out to celebrate with some friends. I meant to update the blog last night but we had such a long and exhausting day that I was too tired to string a sentence together, let alone type all this!

We are incredibly happy. This is the moment we’ve been looking forward to for over two years (and beyond). And it’s coming true. We are going to be daddies!