Moving to a new family and having two dads

As the date for introductions approaches (less than three weeks now!), one big consideration is the fact that Boy H has to be told that he is moving on from his foster home to a family. We talked to the foster carer about this. I expressed my concern about how H would feel about it: after all he’s been in a home where he’s been really looked after and where he feels comfortable and safe. Why would he want to move? The foster carer explained to me that H has always known that his current home is a temporary one, and as much as he likes it there he’s really looking forward to moving on to his new family. He has been in that foster home for over two years, and he’s seen other children move on from the home to go and live with their new families. Apparently, when people visit the house he tells them all about how he’s hoping to be adopted soon.

In a recent conversation in the house about moving on to a new family, it was mentioned that a new family could be defined in a number of ways: it could be a mum and a dad, or just one mum or one dad, two mums or two dads. The foster carer told us that he was intrigued by all these possibilities. He saw a little girl who was in the same foster home go to a new family of two mums and apparently he liked the idea of having two mums, so the foster carer has been doing some work about adoption by same-sex couples using the book “Dad David, Baba Chris and Me”, which tells the story of a boy who is adopted by a male mixed-race couple. She also told us that the other day he said that he didn’t think he liked the idea of having two dads, but when she replied that two dads meant two people to play football with instead of one, he changed his mind! I guess this is something that she will work on more as she prepares to tell him and show him our introductions book. He won’t be told about us until a few days before we meet him, so that his excitement and expectations can be managed well.

We really like the book “And Tango Makes Three”, in which two male penguins hatch an egg and bring up Tango the penguin as a family. We have given H’s social worker a copy of it to pass on to his foster carer so she can read it with him and explore the concept of having two dads with it as well. We have also bought a penguin cuddly toy, which we included in the photos of the house we took for the introductions book and we’re planning to give him when we meet him for the first time. We hope he likes them and they help!