Well I finished my individual interview with Miranda a couple of hours ago and it went really well. She was really nice and asked me questions about my family tree, childhood, and people who were an influence on me as a child and as I was growing up. She also asked about previous relationships and religion. It all went really well and I managed not to talk and talk like last time. The only issue she kept coming back to was Glen’s relationship with his brother and especially with his father. She says that she doesn’t want to bring children who come from a dysfunctional family to another dysfunctional family. I explained that given that I have never met either Glen’s dad or brother (because they don’t want to meet me, not the other way around), I don’t really consider them to be part of the family. And that if they want to meet the child(ren) we may ever have they will always be welcome to have a relationship with them. Miranda says she’ll need to discuss this further with the two of us. Overall I’m happy that at least there appear to be no problems with my family background.
One other thing we discussed was the thoughts I posted the other day about whether having had a happy childhood was a negative thing. She said not at all, whilst it’s true that if you have had negative experiences as a child then you can relate and use that experience, having a happy childhood means you have a good model in which to base your bringing up of children.
We set further interviews in the coming weeks, so I’ll report on those as they happen.
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
Children who wait “experiment”
Back to school again this week and working with a new group of 4 year olds. They are really sweet, although holding their attention for longer than 5 minutes is a bit of a challenge! It’s just as well there are plenty of toys and activities to do...
I finally finished all the documents and the family tree for my interview with Miranda tomorrow. I am looking forward to it, but I am also nervous. I don’t want to mess up like I did in the last one. We’ll see how it goes.
The other day Glen and I did a little experiment with the Children Who Wait magazine. We both took the last 4 issues and looked at them separately; making notes of the children we would consider and not consider adopting among those that are “eligible” (ie of the same ethnic origin as us). Then we looked at the magazines together and compared notes. It was a relief to see that we’re both thinking along the same lines in terms of type of child(ren) and what we think we can cope with in terms of disability and medical conditions, although we still differ slightly when it comes to ages. We’ll probably compromise for somewhere in between. It was really interesting to discuss our perceptions and attitudes towards some of the children and I think it was a really useful exercise, so I would recommend it to everyone at this stage or earlier in the process.
I finally finished all the documents and the family tree for my interview with Miranda tomorrow. I am looking forward to it, but I am also nervous. I don’t want to mess up like I did in the last one. We’ll see how it goes.
The other day Glen and I did a little experiment with the Children Who Wait magazine. We both took the last 4 issues and looked at them separately; making notes of the children we would consider and not consider adopting among those that are “eligible” (ie of the same ethnic origin as us). Then we looked at the magazines together and compared notes. It was a relief to see that we’re both thinking along the same lines in terms of type of child(ren) and what we think we can cope with in terms of disability and medical conditions, although we still differ slightly when it comes to ages. We’ll probably compromise for somewhere in between. It was really interesting to discuss our perceptions and attitudes towards some of the children and I think it was a really useful exercise, so I would recommend it to everyone at this stage or earlier in the process.
Friday, 19 September 2008
Back to school
Both Glen and I returned to our volunteering with kids in the last few days. Glen is back with Beavers, helping out in their activities one evening a week. He really enjoys it, even when things don’t quite go to plan. This week the kids were supposed to build tents out of newspapers. Well, one of the volunteers brought copies of “The Sun” to use, and of course the kids were all giggling about “the boobies” on page 3...
I went back to the primary school where I volunteered last term. I will be mostly working with the 4 and 5 year olds, although I have asked them if I can go into the 3s and 2s as well. Maybe even into the nursery, where they have babies as young as 2 months old. It will all be more experience. Anyhow, I was with the 5s this week, whom I already knew as they were one of the groups I volunteered with last term. It was great to see them again, and they all welcomed me as if I’d been away for a week, and not for most of the summer. Next week I meet a completely new group, so that will be fun as well. It was sort of sad to be in the same classroom as last year’s 5s, all of whom are now in “proper” school, and not see them there. You get so attached to them and then they move on. That’s why I don’t think I could ever be a foster carer. I get too attached!
I went back to the primary school where I volunteered last term. I will be mostly working with the 4 and 5 year olds, although I have asked them if I can go into the 3s and 2s as well. Maybe even into the nursery, where they have babies as young as 2 months old. It will all be more experience. Anyhow, I was with the 5s this week, whom I already knew as they were one of the groups I volunteered with last term. It was great to see them again, and they all welcomed me as if I’d been away for a week, and not for most of the summer. Next week I meet a completely new group, so that will be fun as well. It was sort of sad to be in the same classroom as last year’s 5s, all of whom are now in “proper” school, and not see them there. You get so attached to them and then they move on. That’s why I don’t think I could ever be a foster carer. I get too attached!
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Norway adoption "news"
I missed this back in June when it was approved by the Norwegian Parliament. Norway is “upgrading” its same-sex union law (which has been in place since 1993) and from 1st January 2009 same-sex unions will disappear. From now on all marriages will be marriages with the same rights, and no “unions” will be formed. Obviously previous same-sex unions will be valid, but those who have been “partnered” can choose to “upgrade” to a marriage if they wish. As any other married couple, gay men and lesbians will be able to adopt (single gay people can adopt as well). Well done the Norwegians and congratulations to all the Norwegian couples who will be able to adopt from now on!
Friday, 12 September 2008
Not alone
Back in the UK at last and back to “regular” office-based work. No more travelling until next summer (which hopefully will be my last having to do summer work – parents of young children can be exempted from having to do summer work abroad). Unfortunately Miranda is now on holiday and so my individual interview won’t be for another couple of weeks, but hopefully after that things will pick up speed.
I forgot to write here about something that happened mid August. I was in the office for a couple of days between trips to Spain and rang Human Resources to ask about adoption leave. I was told that I could take 2 weeks, the same as paternity leave, and my partner could take the full adoption leave (the assumption being that my partner was female). When I explained that there were two men involved and that I would be the main carer, they told me that only women could take full adoption leave and a man has never taken adoption leave where I work (a very large UK company). I breathed in, counted to 10 and asked if she could double check that and get back to me. About an hour later I got an email informing me that one parent can take the full adoption leave and if I chose to take it then to have a look at the enclosed adoption leave policy, which entitles me to 52 weeks (extendable to 56 under certain circumstances): 18 weeks on almost full pay and statutory pay for the next 21 weeks (no pay for the final 13 weeks). I was quite relieved, but also quite angry at the initial assumption and reaction and I did have a little bit of an “only gay in the village” feeling.
Anyhow, a couple of days ago we got together for pizza with Gavin and Susan, our friends who are also adopting, and with A&R, one of the couples we met at preparation groups. Gavin and Susan were approved by panel in August and A&R are due to go to panel in early November. It was really nice to share stories of the home study and catch up with everyone. One thing that I was thinking is that before we started this process, I thought we might feel quite on our own throughout it. Of course we have lots of friends and family who are very supportive, but you can never really explain things to people who haven’t been through the process. So I figured that there would be times when we might indeed feel like we were the only ones. Well this has not been the case at all. On the general adoption issues we have Gavin and Susan and the people we met at preparation groups. And for gay adoption issues we have the online communities in Adoption UK and New Family Social, and of course the people we have met face to face at the NFS get-togethers. It has been so reassuring to hear and read of other people’s stories and meet their kids. We had to miss the last NFS gathering in August and we’re not sure whether we will be able to make the next one, which is quite annoying, but just the online presence and emails have really contributed (along with everyone else I’ve already mentioned) to making us feel like we’re not alone at all.
I forgot to write here about something that happened mid August. I was in the office for a couple of days between trips to Spain and rang Human Resources to ask about adoption leave. I was told that I could take 2 weeks, the same as paternity leave, and my partner could take the full adoption leave (the assumption being that my partner was female). When I explained that there were two men involved and that I would be the main carer, they told me that only women could take full adoption leave and a man has never taken adoption leave where I work (a very large UK company). I breathed in, counted to 10 and asked if she could double check that and get back to me. About an hour later I got an email informing me that one parent can take the full adoption leave and if I chose to take it then to have a look at the enclosed adoption leave policy, which entitles me to 52 weeks (extendable to 56 under certain circumstances): 18 weeks on almost full pay and statutory pay for the next 21 weeks (no pay for the final 13 weeks). I was quite relieved, but also quite angry at the initial assumption and reaction and I did have a little bit of an “only gay in the village” feeling.
Anyhow, a couple of days ago we got together for pizza with Gavin and Susan, our friends who are also adopting, and with A&R, one of the couples we met at preparation groups. Gavin and Susan were approved by panel in August and A&R are due to go to panel in early November. It was really nice to share stories of the home study and catch up with everyone. One thing that I was thinking is that before we started this process, I thought we might feel quite on our own throughout it. Of course we have lots of friends and family who are very supportive, but you can never really explain things to people who haven’t been through the process. So I figured that there would be times when we might indeed feel like we were the only ones. Well this has not been the case at all. On the general adoption issues we have Gavin and Susan and the people we met at preparation groups. And for gay adoption issues we have the online communities in Adoption UK and New Family Social, and of course the people we have met face to face at the NFS get-togethers. It has been so reassuring to hear and read of other people’s stories and meet their kids. We had to miss the last NFS gathering in August and we’re not sure whether we will be able to make the next one, which is quite annoying, but just the online presence and emails have really contributed (along with everyone else I’ve already mentioned) to making us feel like we’re not alone at all.
Friday, 5 September 2008
Guilty of happy childhood?
Still working in Spain and not much happening, hence the lack of updates. Glen came over to Spain mid-August and we went sightseeing to Valencia and Barcelona for a few days. All around us were families with kids. Every time we saw a kid misbehaving in a restaurant or whatever we looked at one another and we kept thinking that maybe in some months that could be us. Not in a horrified way but looking forward to it. I guess we’ll know better if/when we have kids…
The other day I wrote my life story for Miranda, which I need to send to her in preparation for my individual interview. She’s given us a three-page list of questions about our childhood to help us write it. The questions are about our family, how we coped when we were upset, whether we suffered any abuse, how we got on at school… I wrote it all (she said to write about 2 pages, but mine is over three – I hope she doesn’t mind) and it was actually very nice to remember happy memories from childhood. The only “problem” is that I had a very happy childhood. I keep wondering if that may make Miranda or the panel think that I won’t be able to relate or I’m not ready to cope with children who have suffered some sort of trauma in their lives. Is it a hindrance in the adoption process to have had a happy childhood?
The other day I wrote my life story for Miranda, which I need to send to her in preparation for my individual interview. She’s given us a three-page list of questions about our childhood to help us write it. The questions are about our family, how we coped when we were upset, whether we suffered any abuse, how we got on at school… I wrote it all (she said to write about 2 pages, but mine is over three – I hope she doesn’t mind) and it was actually very nice to remember happy memories from childhood. The only “problem” is that I had a very happy childhood. I keep wondering if that may make Miranda or the panel think that I won’t be able to relate or I’m not ready to cope with children who have suffered some sort of trauma in their lives. Is it a hindrance in the adoption process to have had a happy childhood?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
